Captain Canada! says, "Thanks for the memories . . ." (Bokeelia, FL)

Dear Bubba, I wouldn't want you to slip away before we had a chance to thank you for a few things: Thank you . . . for saving us, back in '92, from a second term of a World War II hero president and the author of one of the most successful military campaigns in military history. Because, no matter how successful he was, we, in all our moral outrage, just wouldn't tolerate someone who would lie to the American people by promising "no new taxes" and then going back on his word. We certainly didn't want a liar in the White House, did we?

Thank you . . . for all the laughs as we watched you and your staff of Kindergarten Keystone Kops flail and flounder through your scatterbrained first 100 days arguing over office locations and then mumbling, "Now what do we do?"

Thank you . . . for reminding us that the party that gave us the Internal Revenue Service and welfare also lusts for control of the greatest health care system in the world.

Thank you for keeping Hillary busy during the first year creating a cockamamie national health care package. Had anyone else attempted it, it might have actually had some merit and appeal. At least it caused her to shut up, go back home and bake cookies for a little while. What ever happened to that little weasel, Ira Magaziner, anyway?

Thank you . . . for demonstrating that presidents have the right to get $200 haircuts while blocking all take-offs and landings for a few hours at busy LAX airport.

Thank you . . . for being remembered as the president who discussed his choice of underwear with teenagers on MTV television. We've all been so curious about your underwear.

Thank you . . . for "feeling our pain" as we endured watching your fat, pasty white butt on TV each day as you slog-jogged to McDonalds. But even more thanks for doing a header down the steps and busting your knee at 1:00 AM leaving Greg Norman's Miami Beach party scene. That, at least, stopped the hideous jogging photo-ops.

Thank you . . . for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski and about two dozen other names of women we might not have met and known otherwise.

Thank you . . . for showing everyone in America that sexual harassment in the work place, and on the job, is okay as long as it involves powerful middle-age executives and young women half their age under their power. After all, it's a "private matter."

Thank you . . . for revealing that the agenda of the National Organization of Women only includes some women. Women like Anita Hill, but not women like Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski, et. al.

Thank you . . . for helping us understand that "sexual relations" is not clearly defined after all.

Thank you for showing us the difficulty of defining "is" and "alone."

Thank you for showing us how to parse one's testimony, even when under oath to tell the truth.

Thank you . . . for causing us to keep our kids from watching the news on television.

Thanks . . . for making it necessary for us to try to answer our grade-school kids' questions about "oral sex," "perjury," "cigar dildoes," "DNA on the blue dress" and "impeachment."

Thank you . . . for taking more than two years off (with pay), hunkered down and sweating out your sex scandals with your lawyers, your pollsters and your spin doctors.

Thank you . . . for representing so well all the 'boomers' of those good old days of pot smoking (without inhaling, of course) and war protesting while they don't stop thinking about tomorrow and stumble across the bridge to the 21st century. Hey, Jude and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds---forever!

Thank you . . . for showing us that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag the Dog," could really be plausible after all.

Thank you . . . for showing us that it is okay to lie to the faces of your own loyal staff members and then ask them to lie for you, as long as you are trying to save your own sorry ass.

Thank you . . . for proving, once and for all, the blatant left bias of the national media.

Thank you . . . for reminding us that the FBI, which has a file on millions of Americans, including myself, can give those files to people powerful enough to demand them.

Thank you . . . for achieving only two substantial accomplishments during your eight years as president: 1) the enhancement of free trade (NAFTA, GATT, normalized trade with China) and 2) welfare reform. The former happened because you favored it, as did most Republicans, unlike most Democrats, who opposed it. The latter happened because you did not dare to veto a third time what Republicans persisted in sending to you.

Thank you . . . for coasting and boasting through the robust economic recovery that began 18 months before you took office and started to weaken 12 months before you left.

Thank you for the cleverness of you and your staff to start calling this the "Bush Recession" even though he has yet to even take office??

Thank you, too . . . for making us so proud of these facts: =B7 72 House and Senate witnesses have pleaded the Fifth Amendment. =B7 17 witnesses have fled the country to avoid testifying. =B7 19 foreign witnesses have refused to be interviewed by US investigative bodies. =B7 19 charges from Whitewater investigations. =B7 4 convictions from Whitewater investigations. =B7 8 imprisonment's from Whitewater investigations. =B7 55 total charges in all Clinton scandals. =B7 32 total convictions (so far) in all Clinton scandals. =B7 14 total imprisonment's (so far) in all Clinton scandals. = =B7 Over 1,100 overnight stays at the White House for Clinton contributors. = =B7 $48 million-cost of Starr's two-year investigation vs. $49 million-cost of Clinton's ten-day trip to China.

Thank you . . . for an interesting eight years of watching you totally ignore your promise to provide "the most ethical administration in the history of the Republic."

Thank you . . . for being such a despicable, lecherous philanderer that your wife can make $8 million dollars writing a tell-all book about it. It makes her $100,000 cattle-futures profit look like penny-ante poker. Is it true you are seeking a similar deal for your own book, "The View From Up Here (my side of the Monica story)"?

Thank you . . . for making Dan Quayle look more like a Rhodes Scholar than yourself.

Thank you for making Jimmy Carter look competent.

Thank you for making Gerald Ford look graceful.

Thank you for making Richard Nixon look honest.

Thank you for making Lyndon Johnson look truthful.

Thank you for making John Kennedy look moral.

Thank you for making Algore look like a wooden dorkhead as he stood behind you for eight years in his "I'm With Stupid!" tee-shirt.

Thank you . . . for giving us a chance to witness the calm, reasoned rhetoric of the likes of James Carville, Maxine Waters, Barney Frank, Jesse Jackson, Robert Wexler, et.al---not to mention the personal ethics of your closest political advisor, Dick Morris

Thank you . . . for posing the question, "Are you better off today than you were eight years ago?" and having Saddam Hussein and Yasser Arafat shout a resounding "Yes!"

Thank you . . . for spending most of the past two years out of the country stumbling around searching for a legacy. It's as futile as O. J. Simpson's search for Nicole's killer.

Thank you . . . for providing all of us who actually lived through your eight years with the unforgettable visual legacy of the infamous 'rope line hug' and the definitive legacy contained in just ten, finger-wagging words: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman . . . Ms Lewinski!"

Thank you . . . for finally going to Vietnam-at the exact same time many of our overseas military men and women were having their absentee ballots rejected by Democrats.

Thank you . . . for announcing last week that when you leave the White House you are taking Buddy-the-dog with you, but abandoning Socks-the-cat to live with your secretary. This prompted G. Gordon Liddy to suggest to Chris Matthews on MSNBC's 'Hardball' that "This is the first time Bill Clinton has ever rejected a pussy."

Thank you, thank you, thank you . . . for reminding us of the importance of term limits! We know you say you're "The Comeback Kid" . . . but please, don't even think about it..

Thank you . . . for saying that all your downfalls were the fault of the vast, right-wing conspiracy so we'll know where to send our '

Thank You' notes.

Thank you . . . for demonstrating so strongly that, when all is said and done, character really, really does matter. And finally, thank you . . . for prompting syndicated columnist, George F. Will, to profoundly sum it all up by writing, "William Jefferson Clinton may not have been our worst president ever, but he is the worst person ever to have been our president." - The End -